Secrets

As I walked into my room again I knew she was there; she always is. But she never really left did she. She asked me how my day was. I told her the usual – headaches, tears and a bag of empty dreams. She asked me if I want to fly away. I said why not. With my dreamless bag and big blue eyes I jumped onto her back and we flew out the window in search something more real and meaningful than this pitiful existence we called "life".

As we soared above the clouds I realized for the first time how black she actually was; she was darker than night itself. I guess that's why people feared her; she was the inexplicably accurate portrait of their most hidden deepest darkest secrets. She was all they wanted to be, and all they were when no one was looking.

We hid in the clouds for years and years; together, just the two of us. No need for hopes or dreams or my purposeless bag, all we had was each other and that was more than enough to get by. Slowly as time wore on we become less and less separate beings and started to meld into one another. We grew to be a merge of light and dark; we were more than we were – we were one.

We became so comfortable in our isolation that we didn't notice the day the sky opened until it was too late. There was a crack and we began to freefall. As the air flew past I felt an excruciating ripping sensation. She was torn away from me without warning, we were separated by a force that was even greater than the love and desire we had for each other.

We landed in a valley full of ashes – evidence of past lives lost. On my hands and knees I crawled over to her and placed her paw in my hand. It was so much bigger than mine; even though I was holding her it seemed as if she were still cradling me.

As my eyes travelled across her shaggy bulk, taking in every inch of her until they finally drew to a stop at the place where her heart would be. The patch of fur above it was stained red, and this dreaded inundation was flooding her body until her whole side was a river of crimson regrets and pain.

She turned and looked at me. Her face was covered in the grey, almost metallic ash except for the one trail made by her single tear. As I cradled her and she me, I closed my eyes so as to blink mine back. With my eyes shut I whispered, "Show me more. You're worth so much more to me than a single filthy tear." Her voice came back as if it were nothing more than a breath of wind "You can't fight the tears that aren't coming, regardless of their worth or clarity." Her eyes blinked slowly at me and I squeezed mine shut to hold back the flood that threatened to break through. I bent down and kissed her nose as she allowed her final breath to escape her mouth.

Atop her paw sat my bag of dreams still as empty as ever. I buried my face into her ash covered mass as painful sobs racked my entire body. I cried dirty tears, laden with the ash of my loss, and the loss of those before me. For as dark as she was, she was the most pure thing in existence; the most real and honest being to ever grace the human psyche. As I opened my eyes I was given the privilege of looking at her one final time before she vanished. I was left on my knees in the ash, as empty as the bag I held in my hand.

She stepped into my life and filled a void that nothing else ever could. She changed me when she was around. She was that truth that we all pretend doesn't exist but deep down inside we know lingers from all the past hurts that we have survived. She was real to me, something that no one else seemed to be able to accept. But it seemed that all of a sudden the only difference in my meaningless existence was that now I was like every other person on this earth – I was alone.